If this summer had been a fish I would have thrown it back. A horse, I'd have shot it.
Since I am an animal-lover I can say, yes, it was that bad.
I had already lost an old friend back in April at age 45. An unexpected death for me. That was bad, but not the worst of my 2011 tragic events.
No, things really started to go downhill when my brother-in-law was killed in an accident. That single moment in time changed everything. If I could somehow roll the calendar back to June 6 I would.
In a heartbeat.
Without covering all the details, many of which should stay private, suffice it to say I've seen sides of people and witnessed events that I never dreamed existed. It is said that deaths bring out the worst in people. I'll take it a little further. Deaths reveal true characters. I have watched people that I love and care about, and that loved and cared about each other, or at a minimum tolerated each other, turn their backs and behave inexplicably. And when it is all said and done, there will be no winners.
We cared for my mother-in-law during a hospitalization and recovery. Cost Billy and I our annual trip to New York City. To be fair, Hurricane Irene canceled our flight into New York but that was really only the excuse we used for doing what we knew was the right thing. The hurricane allowed us to cancel our trip with only minimal financial repercussions. Billy spent many hours on the road between Natchez and Arkansas with his mom, ultimately bringing her here for a 10 day hospital stay, followed by a week at our house.
I'm happy to report she is fine now.
Summer ended and I was convinced the changing of the seasons would bring needed changes in our world as well. I was looking forward to a trip with my mother in September and Billy and I had a long weekend trip scheduled in October.
Things had to improve, right?
Mom and I did have a wonderful trip. We were part of a larger bus tour that started in Chicago, traveled north through Wisconsin to Mackinac Island, Michigan and ended in Detroit. I met lots of nice, interesting people and saw some wonderful sights. We had cheese in Wisconsin, shopped in Frankenmuth, and relaxed at the Grand Hotel. The Ford Museum should not be missed in you're ever in the area.
But while I was gone, our sweet almost 16 year old Lab, Midnight, passed away.
If you know anything about Labs you know that the average lifespan is only about half of the years she lived. So I knew we had given her a good life but I was also pretty sure she wouldn't be here when I returned home. We'd been witnessing her decline for weeks. Still, she left on her own terms. That's how we try to let them go. I just hated that Billy had to deal with it all by himself. Me being home wouldn't have changed things, but I always refer to us as Team Tanksley and a part of me wanted to be home.
But I absolutely wouldn't have wanted to miss the trip with Mom. This was a first for us. Sure, we've spent plenty of time alone together over the years, but it was always typically at on of our own homes. This was a 9 day trip, sharing hotel rooms and hours sitting together on the bus.
24/7 togetherness.
But it was wonderful. I wrote her when I got home, thanking her for the trip, and I told her how nice it was that after years of hearing while growing up, particularly during my teenage years, "I'm your mother, not your friend" that we had reached a point in our lives where she could be both.
Billy and I did get our long weekend together. We drove 11 hours from Natchez to Jonesborough, Tennessee to the National Storytelling Festival. I highly recommend it! It was the most relaxed either of us had been in months. We only had one "child" with us, our sweet Riley, and we had nothing but time stretched out in front of us. At the festival we could go from tent to tent to hear the storytellers, sit and relax, walk through the shops, eat or just do nothing. Our third night, we stayed in the hotel room and watched our Razorbacks on television. Just like we would have at home, but it seemed different somehow. I guess it was knowing someone else was keeping the dogs and we had just a little less responsibility. I picked up pizza and we stretched out and just enjoyed each other's company.
Sadly, the respite was short-lived. A few weeks later my dad's oldest brother in Texas passed away. Also, unexpectedly.
I lost 3 people I loved and cared about in 6 months, plus Midnight, to death.
But we lost other family members as well to circumstances and bad decisions. Billy and I finally reached a point where we had to end, or at least limit, our exposure to people that had become "toxic". It wasn't easy. But it had to be done.
We realized that we are the only two people in charge of our own happiness. And that we had to remain Team Tanksley and look out for one another. Support one another. No one else can do it for you. People can make you miserable, or can make you laugh, or even cry. But those are moments in time.
Allowing those moments to dictate the whole of our lives is our decision.
2011 is not ending quite as well as it started. I am certainly looking forward to turning the calendar over to 2012. I have already started thinking about what I can do to make it better. Handling my work stresses better. Learning to say No to some of the volunteer opportunities that present themselves. Enjoying a special Mardi Gras.
Spending time with the ones I love and cherish and chosing who will impact my life, and how.
