I borrowed the following, with permission, from my friend, Shelly Dunaway. She is often the source of wisdom and inspiration to me, and others. Shelly and I were acquaintances in high school, even did a play together, I think, but really connected through Facebook in the last several years, and even managed to see each other in person in Baton Rouge in January this year at a run.
She saw this one day, and what follows was her Facebook post on it.
Woah!!! What a thought provoking question! And so many directions to go with this one... the first thing that jumps out at me is the word "things"! And the silent, yet true, implication that we would love an object before loving ourself. (I'll spare you my soapbox here!!!). But the deeper message here for me, is that we generally don't even consider the importance of self love... For myself, personally, loving yourself has always had the negative connotation of being selfish, arrogant or conceited... and I was raised to believe that you should try really hard not to be any of those things! 😉 And so I lived a lot of years not ever considering the real importance and actual need for self love. Now... self loathing... I'm a pro at that one... dare I say most of us are!! We're not skinny enough... pretty enough... smart enough... fast enough... good enough... we could make a mile long list of the things we are NOT in the blink of an eye! But ask us to write down one thing that we ARE.... and the internal struggle to identify our true worth begins. And why?!?! Yep... that's the million dollar question, right there! And how sad is it that we struggle to find things about ourselves to love! Because it is through the love for ourselves that we are able to love others more completely. God loved us first... and He loved us enough to create us in His Devine image... so THAT'S gotta be worth something, right! 😊 So we should definitely put ourselves on the tip top of that LOVE LIST!! And make the effort every single day to identify at least one thing about ourselves worth loving!!! Yep... Ima start myself a 💗 list and put ME at the top! 😉
I think her thoughts really need no expansion, but I'm going to add my two cents in anyway. Just because. It's what I do.
I picked January 1st to post this for a reason.
Today is the first day of a new year. A brand new start. And just like Shelly is going to put herself on the top of the list of "things" she loves, so should we all. Especially since in the next few weeks we will be bombarded from all directions of all the things "wrong" with us.
Every January the New Year's resolutions get trotted out, and most start with lose weight/exercise more. Magazine covers will blast us with pictures of celebrities and real people that "dropped half her size! You can too! See how!" and Jillian Michaels will be hawking the latest version of the Nordic Xwhatevernumber incline trainer where "all you have to do is walk, even on the beaches of Fiji". as she flips through the related videos looking for the perfect one. We will be made to feel that there is something wrong with us if we aren't a size -2, or look like we did in high school when this year's reunion rolls around.
So we will hear for about a month or so how much about ourselves we need to fix, and where to buy the products to help us do so.
Now, do not misunderstand. I am all about a healthy lifestyle. Healthy habits will resolve a lot of these problems we perceive that we have - happy hormones get released, blood pressure stays lower, digestion is improved, and pre-diabetes can be managed without medications. But why do we have to have it thrown at us as a correction to a problem? Why can't we look at ourselves and say "I am a great person. I want to live a long time being a great person. Is my current lifestyle allowing me to do that?"
If we can love ourselves first and focus on fostering that, I truly believe the other will follow. If you are a great letter writer, resolve to sit down once a week and write to a friend, or an elderly relative, or even to your future grandchildren things you want them to know about you. If you are an avid reader, volunteer for a literacy program to help others share that same love of the written word. Or read to children at the library in the summers, or to those in a long-term care facility for whom reading is no longer possible. Sharing your joy with others can go a long way toward lowering that stress, which lowers your blood pressure and improves your mood. Some say less stress means less cortisol which will help trim your waistline. See, all that benefit without buying one expensive treadmill. And you've still invested time in being a "better" you, and spending that time doing something you love instead of something that you might dread.
Focus on what you do right instead of what others tell us is wrong.
I also liked Shelly's comments about growing up to not be braggy or conceited. I think those ideas are still prevalent with a lot of us. I was training for a triathlon this summer and one neighbor would see my running partner and I out getting our miles in on the weekends and she commented one day, usually because it was high noon when we were doing it, and I was so proud to tell her that I had gotten up early and tackled that day and already gotten my swim training in and I got enjoy the day when we got home from the run. I was told not to brag (not by the neighbor, by my partner). I'm not sure how I said that it came out like I was bragging, but in reflection, I wasn't doing that, merely sharing with her. I was very pleased with myself! And it does take a lot of training and dedication to even attempt something like a long distance triathlon. If seeing me do it helps someone else get to work on one of their goals, whatever they are, then so be it. I think a lot of perceived bragging has to do with the delivery.
I am a 50 year old asthmatic. If I can tackle something like that then I think anyone should be encouraged to try that which they may not think possible. Many people would never have thought something like that was on my radar. (I still haven't finished the big one yet, but I've done many shorter distances, and I can do the distance for each individual leg of the tri, just can't put it all together yet. And I may not ever be able to, but I can keep trying.)
So, where are YOU on your list of things you love? If not at the top, then let me pose a New Year's resolution for you - add yourself and work that list. For the record, I don't do resolutions. I set goals. Goals are something that you are always working towards. Resolutions seems to be things that get tossed aside the first time they are broken. I cannot disappoint myself that way. If I don't meet my goal one year, it just rolls on to the next year's list and I keep trying. I am by no stretch of the imagination perfect, but I'm not all bad, either.
Self-love. Loving ourselves because He first loved us. Loving ourselves because we are worthy of being loved, even if only by ourselves.
But I don't think that really happens. If we love ourselves. and do for ourselves what we would do for anyone else we loved, then more love follows. We have to lead by example. We may hear that we can't be loved if we don't love ourselves. That isn't true either. We are just less likely to accept love from others if we have not first allowed ourselves to believe ourselves worthy.
I look for great things in 2017. There were so many things wrong with 2016 (THAT's another blog post) that I look forward to closing the door on it tonight and hoping and praying for a better new year. And, of course, doing my part to try and make those things happen. There are still some things within our control in our lives.
I wish the same for each of you. Peace, love, joy, happiness, fulfillment. All good stuff. Think long and hard about what you want for 2017 and the things that bring you peace, love, joy, and happiness. I hope you find yourself on that list. Preferably at the top, but as long as you are on it, I'm good with it.
Celebrate YOU! You are the only one like you in the world.
Happy New Year!
