Funerals are Funny Things

"Laughter through tears is one of my favorite emotions", so says the character Truvy in Steel Magnolias. I agree.

I come from a very funny family. And that is not just me talking, that comes from a lifetime of watching other people laughing whenever my dad, his brother or his sister ever got cranked up. Individually, they are hysterically funny. Collectively, Katy bar the door. "Outsiders" don't stand a chance. You will laugh until your sides ache and you can't take it anymore.

For my generation, a lot of that got passed on. In some cases, we just recycled the same material but had a new audience. The first generation recycled a lot of the same stuff too and most of us could give you the punch line before the joke was over because we'd heard them so much. But you'd still laugh.

I had the great honor of speaking at my dad's funeral. Tough, yes, but an experience that I'm glad I had. You see, I made people laugh. Instead of dwelling on the fact that my 55 year old daddy was gone, we laughed. I had them crying happy tears. Laughing through the tears.

I attended my cousin's funeral yesterday. He was 54. He carried my dad's name as his middle name and I remarked yesterday to my uncle that he was aptly named. He was very much like my daddy and the stories that people told about him could have been almost interchangeable. It was obvious by the attendance and the stories told that he was loved by many and will be missed by everyone.

The service and the time that I was able to spend with my family was truly spent celebrating his life.

I've written about this branch of my family tree. This was my oldest cousin - the first of us 14 grandkids and part of the group that moved to Texas when I was still very young. So my memories are scattered. But I have them and we shared a lot, in true family fashion. We laughed.

It occurred to me while I was listening yesterday that I think we're also celebrating the new life on the family tree that sometimes grows when we lose a branch.

You see, he was one of the 5 that I've talked about reconnecting with. He sent emails that were pages and pages long and I have an hour plus phone call where we talked like we'd just seen each other the week before instead of 12 years ago at my dad's funeral. But the reason that really prompted me to get in touch with all of them was because we'd lost another cousin on that side - my 43 year old cousin who was #6 in the lineup. I didn't want to lose anyone else without at least making the effort.

And I'm so glad I did. It meant a lot to sit there with my family and share stories and just be together. I got some of the best bear hugs from these wonderful grown men that probably carried me piggyback at one time, or laid on the floor and watched cartoons with me. They are fathers, and grandfathers, but were still the same wonderful cousins, just a little taller.

You find in your garden that certain plants have to be cut back or divided periodically to help them grow and flourish. While I certainly would much rather have my dad and my cousins back here in the flesh, that isn't the way the world works (and no, I'm not comparing my deceased relatives to dead tree limbs). But it often takes losing someone to help something else grow in its place. The hole left from the loss is a place for the new seeds to fall in and take hold. I think we'll all stay in better touch now. I met relatives for the first time that I hope to stay connected with. I think our family tree got a little stronger.

And no, it isn't fair. Parents should not bury their children and no one should get sick in their 40s and 50s. But, to quote a line from the funeral:

"Fair is where you go to buy a foot long hot dog".

But while you're there, enjoy the rides. See the shows. And make the most of it while its in town.