Forgiveness, Redemption

I have been struggling with something lately.

Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about animals. Animals in general and dogs in particular.

I love them. I simply love them.

You can imagine how I felt when the Michael Vick/dogfighting scandal initially broke. I was crushed, and horrified, and disgusted, and angry. My husband and I sent strongly worded emails to just about everyone involved, including Roger Goddell, NFL Commissioner.

(I know, you're all shocked. Deanne have an opinion? And express it? Who'd have thunk it!)

Yes. I did express myself over the situation.

So, I was very glad when he was convicted and lost his job and went to prison. I was very glad. In my personal opinion it wasn't punishment enough, but at least it was something. In fact, Mr. Vick should probably thank his lucky stars that I was no where close to being personally involved in this case. The bottom of the prison would be all that he'd see ever again.

Anyway. Michael Vick has met his prison term and was released recently. I can't argue since he served the time he was given, with the usual shortcuts. He was still conditionally suspended by the NFL - all dependent on if a team was willing to sign him and even then he could only practice for now. May or may not get to play in the regular season.

Here's my struggle.

I know on one level that if someone is truly sorry for his actions, serves his or her time, accepts the punishment, seeks redemption, we're supposed to forgive.

The saying is forgive and forget, but I doubt that I'll ever forget.

I guess I'm just not sure that he is really and truly sorry - sorry for the action, not just sorry that he was caught. Because at first he didn't own up to it. He was fully prepared to throw his buddies under the bus.

Did he really learn anything? Has he changed? Just working with the Humane Society and giving children lectures on the evils of dogfighting does not seem to be cutting it with me.

I want to believe. I want to think he'll be a better person and that I can forgive him. I don't even know why I think it is important to forgive him, except that I think on some level I'm supposed to. That it would be the right thing to do.

Wouldn't it?

I just think that what he did was so horrible and devoid of any feeling for a living creature that I have to wonder if he could redeemed. Can you commit those acts and then suddenly go on as if you didn't? Can a person honestly and truly leave that kind of lifestyle behind?

I hope so.

Here's the ironic thing about the whole situation.

The dogs would forgive. They would forgive and never blink an eye. They would lick his face and wag their tails. That is what is so heartbreaking. The men and women who support dogfighting and train these animals to hang from trees and attack each other feed on the unconditional love that the dogs have for their owners and the insatiable need that the dogs have to please. Those dogs will do anything to get positive attention from the humans - and I use that term loosely - that treat them so poorly. They will very literally fight to the death just to receive a pat on the head and a "good boy!".

I read an article in Sunday's paper about a woman in Los Angeles who has for several years run a "rescue mission" of sorts. She currently has 225 pit bulls that have been saved, and she is assisted by parolee volunteers (none of those listed had dogfighting on their rap sheets). I guess she's trying to save man and beast. I applaud her efforts. (No Mom, we're not getting into the business. We're full and out of space now! No worries!)

So, I watch the news and hear the stories of Michael Vick - practicing with the Philadelphia Eagles, making the talk show circuits and giving his talks to the youth of America - and I wonder why I can't forgive him.

I guess the dogs are better men than I.