I had the great pleasure to spend this past weekend with my mother, sister and niece.
Girl time.
As I told my grandmother when we went to visit her, No Stinky Boys!
We had a family wedding to attend so we were fairly busy but enjoyed a few stolen moments together. Something we don't get to do often enough. Distance and schedules make it a challenge. But we had good talks during those times, laughed a lot, and truly enjoyed each other company. Andrea and I were pretty typical sisters growing up. Which is to say we didn't always get along well. I'm very glad to say that I now not only have a real sister but a real friend as well.
One interesting moment came in the car on the way to see Naunie. I was going to head back to Natchez from Carlisle so I took my own car. Andrea and Brett rode with me and we followed Mom. In a role reversal, Andrea sat in the back. Texting and talking on her phone. Brett sat up in the passenger seat so we could talk.
Out of the blue she asked me to give her a "superdeduperty" long word. She would then tell me what it meant and use it in a sentence.
Her idea people, not mine.
(I love that she loves to learn! She gets excited about school and education and all of that. Our trip next month to Washington D.C. is going to be amazing!)
Now, I don't carry around a book of "superdeduperty" long words so I thought quickly and came up with "perspective".
Webster has several definitions: 1. particular evaluation of something: a particular evaluation of a situation or facts, especially from one person's point of view;
2. measured assessment of situation: a measured or objective assessment of a situation, giving all aspects their comparative importance;
3. appearance of distant objects to observer: the appearance of objects to an observer allowing for the effect of their distance from the observer;
4. graphic arts allowance for artistic perspective when drawing: the theory or practice of allowing for artistic perspective when drawing or painting;
5. vista: a vista or view
Brett defined it as someone's side of a story, or opinion. I agreed but explained that it was more than that. I said it was more a "point of view" and that it could be a literal or figurative point of view. We got into discussing artists and how they use perspective in their work and so on.
Nice conversation.
I've thought about it several times since then.
Mostly how two people can look at the same thing but see something different.
Based on their "perspective".
I posted some pictures from the wedding on Facebook. Andrea texted me she thought she looked weird. I thought she looked beautiful. I pointed out something on me that I see automatically in every picture I ever take. She said she'd never noticed it before. (Of course, now she'll ALWAYS notice it since I pointed it out!)
Two people, one picture, different perspectives.
Later, again on Facebook, I saw lots of people thinking of their fathers that had passed away (Father's Day posts). More than one had pictures of their dad's grave marker.
One person commented that even with all his faults, her dad was still her hero. But I couldn't help but wonder (having known several of the men in question) if the writers' moms (be they ex-wives or widows) would feel the same. A child's perspective of a parent is often very different from that of the other parent.
And I understand.
My daddy was my hero. Still is in a lot of ways. Was he flawed? Absolutely. Do I wish some things had happened differently? Undoubtedly so. But did I learn from him? Of course. Do I miss him? Daily.
He wasn't perfect and I know things weren't always easy for my mom. My sister and I had our share of tough situations as well.
But perspective, in our personal lives, is really much like that of an artist. What do we want to emphasize? What items (traits, memories, characteristics) do we paint in our foreground? What view do we want to give our viewer?
I can make the choice of what I remember and how much emphasis those memories get. Where I want to put things in my picture.
I define the view.
Likewise, I can try to paint a picture of myself to help others see what I want them to see. Or at least see the person I want to be.
Because my perspective of me is always changing. I'm always trying to do better. To BE better. Trying to live my life in such a way that I will be missed - someday. Hopefully a very long time from now.
I don't know that I ever want to be anyone's "hero", but it won't hurt if I try to live as if I do.
Give everyone a good perspective.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
He Ain't Heavy....
"He's My Brother. And on we go."
Growing up, I had a crush on the Osmond Brothers. OK, mostly Donny but I loved them all. Their voices were so smooth and wonderful. And the harmonies! I remember playing the albums (you know, the big vinyl kind) over and over.
I always loved to hear them sing "He ain't heavy, he's my brother". Unless I'm mistaken (and I could be. Rumor is that it has happened before. But I'd never admit it.) the album was just called "The Osmonds" (blueish purple letters) and it had the five brothers walking toward the camera, in step, along rows of something on a farm on a clear blue-sky day.
I can still hear them singing in my head. And I haven't heard that song in, literally, decades.
It came to mind the other day. I have a friend who is really really dealing with a lot right now. More than I can even imagine. And we were talking the other day about how she was doing and some events of that day. She told me that she was considering taking some anti-depressants (fully encouraged by her doctors) to try and help her get through some of this but she really hated to. Didn't want to seem like a cry-baby.
I asked her - when did we, as a society, decide that we had to shoulder our own burdens alone? Everybody needs somebody sometimes. We are social creatures. We really aren't meant to "go it alone".
I realize that I didn't live in the idyllic 40s and 50s that are portrayed on television, but I believe there are some elements of truth to those shows. Without computers and video games and limited television programming, people actually spent more time together. They looked out for each other. Helped one another. Cared about their fellow man. Sure, we're all "connected" but we really aren't. I can email or video chat or Facebook or Twitter and all the rest. I can see what my family is up to, but I don't really hear their voices.
I'm ashamed to admit I don't really know some of my neighbors. I discovered that a man with whome I've served on a board actually lives across the street and two doors down. I can see his house from where I'm sitting right now but I had no idea he lived there. I only found out because his daughter was in a car accident and they published his address in the newspaper. But he parks his car in the back of his house and doesn't use the front door much. And that's the side of the house I see. I did go down there once but no one opened the door. Twenty years ago I'd have been down there on moving day with a plate of brownies.
And our neighbors welcomed us with a party. A "Sorry to See you Go and Welcome to the Neighborhood Party" for us and the lady from whom we bought the house. But I didn't see anyone much after that. Folks came from a three block radius to meet us, but that night they all went back home and I don't see them anymore. I talked to one neighbor about doing a similar party when three families moved in across the street into some new houses. Talked about it. Didn't do it. That was about 4 years ago.
We've all insulated ourselves. Both physically and figuratively. I'll text or email sometimes before I'll pick up the phone and make a call. Don't want to bother anyone. With an email they can read it when they have time. I've had family members miss events because they had no one to go with but didn't want to ask anyone either.
I know, deep down, that I have a ton of friends that I could call on in a time of need. And that is of great comfort to me. But at the same time I can see where my friend was coming from.
"I can handle this. Don't want anyone to think less of me. I don't want to bother anyone. Others have it so much worse, I shouldn't complain." And so on and so on.
Bull puckey I say.
Reach out. It doesn't matter if someone's problems are "worse" than yours. If you need a friend or help or anything you have to be willing to ask for it, or accept it when offered. Because insulation works both ways. I've missed acknowledging birthdays this year that I haven't missed in years because I got caught up in work and deadlines and other stuff and I didn't take the time to reach out either. Now, I think they'll still take my calls, no irreparable damage has been done.
At least not yet. I don't think.
But I see how easy it could be. You practically don't have to leave your house anymore if you don't want to. Groceries can get delivered. Movies download onto your computer. Remote access to your office over the Internet. Why get dressed!?!
Because we were never intended to be alone. It goes all the way back to the Bible. God made Adam, found that he couldn't talk to the animals, and made him a mate.
We are supposed to lift each other up when one is down. Pick them up and carry them if need be. And if you are the one who is being carried don't fuss. It'll be your turn to share the load soon enough.
That's how it works.
"And the load, doesn't weigh me down, at all....."
Growing up, I had a crush on the Osmond Brothers. OK, mostly Donny but I loved them all. Their voices were so smooth and wonderful. And the harmonies! I remember playing the albums (you know, the big vinyl kind) over and over.
I always loved to hear them sing "He ain't heavy, he's my brother". Unless I'm mistaken (and I could be. Rumor is that it has happened before. But I'd never admit it.) the album was just called "The Osmonds" (blueish purple letters) and it had the five brothers walking toward the camera, in step, along rows of something on a farm on a clear blue-sky day.
I can still hear them singing in my head. And I haven't heard that song in, literally, decades.
It came to mind the other day. I have a friend who is really really dealing with a lot right now. More than I can even imagine. And we were talking the other day about how she was doing and some events of that day. She told me that she was considering taking some anti-depressants (fully encouraged by her doctors) to try and help her get through some of this but she really hated to. Didn't want to seem like a cry-baby.
I asked her - when did we, as a society, decide that we had to shoulder our own burdens alone? Everybody needs somebody sometimes. We are social creatures. We really aren't meant to "go it alone".
I realize that I didn't live in the idyllic 40s and 50s that are portrayed on television, but I believe there are some elements of truth to those shows. Without computers and video games and limited television programming, people actually spent more time together. They looked out for each other. Helped one another. Cared about their fellow man. Sure, we're all "connected" but we really aren't. I can email or video chat or Facebook or Twitter and all the rest. I can see what my family is up to, but I don't really hear their voices.
I'm ashamed to admit I don't really know some of my neighbors. I discovered that a man with whome I've served on a board actually lives across the street and two doors down. I can see his house from where I'm sitting right now but I had no idea he lived there. I only found out because his daughter was in a car accident and they published his address in the newspaper. But he parks his car in the back of his house and doesn't use the front door much. And that's the side of the house I see. I did go down there once but no one opened the door. Twenty years ago I'd have been down there on moving day with a plate of brownies.
And our neighbors welcomed us with a party. A "Sorry to See you Go and Welcome to the Neighborhood Party" for us and the lady from whom we bought the house. But I didn't see anyone much after that. Folks came from a three block radius to meet us, but that night they all went back home and I don't see them anymore. I talked to one neighbor about doing a similar party when three families moved in across the street into some new houses. Talked about it. Didn't do it. That was about 4 years ago.
We've all insulated ourselves. Both physically and figuratively. I'll text or email sometimes before I'll pick up the phone and make a call. Don't want to bother anyone. With an email they can read it when they have time. I've had family members miss events because they had no one to go with but didn't want to ask anyone either.
I know, deep down, that I have a ton of friends that I could call on in a time of need. And that is of great comfort to me. But at the same time I can see where my friend was coming from.
"I can handle this. Don't want anyone to think less of me. I don't want to bother anyone. Others have it so much worse, I shouldn't complain." And so on and so on.
Bull puckey I say.
Reach out. It doesn't matter if someone's problems are "worse" than yours. If you need a friend or help or anything you have to be willing to ask for it, or accept it when offered. Because insulation works both ways. I've missed acknowledging birthdays this year that I haven't missed in years because I got caught up in work and deadlines and other stuff and I didn't take the time to reach out either. Now, I think they'll still take my calls, no irreparable damage has been done.
At least not yet. I don't think.
But I see how easy it could be. You practically don't have to leave your house anymore if you don't want to. Groceries can get delivered. Movies download onto your computer. Remote access to your office over the Internet. Why get dressed!?!
Because we were never intended to be alone. It goes all the way back to the Bible. God made Adam, found that he couldn't talk to the animals, and made him a mate.
We are supposed to lift each other up when one is down. Pick them up and carry them if need be. And if you are the one who is being carried don't fuss. It'll be your turn to share the load soon enough.
That's how it works.
"And the load, doesn't weigh me down, at all....."
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