World's Apart

We are all women of about the same age.

We have all lived in Arkansas.

We're all married, and have been for a long time.

I think this is where the similarities end between me, a high school friend, and Michelle Duggar.

You know her - the mom of 19. She and her husband have said they would even welcome more.

Now, before I get started let me set the stage. While I may disagree with their choice, I'm not here to bash it. This is a married couple making a decision that married couples make and they aren't taking any money from the government to support their family. With no taxpayer dollars involved, this taxpayer doesn't believe she should get a vote.

No, I'm just thinking tonight about the contrasts.

Forty years ago, if you saw a family with 19 children you had one thought, and one thought only - they're Catholic.

Let's face it, no self-respecting Methodist or Baptist family was going to have 19 children. It just didn't happen. It wasn't socially accepted.

But there were families that had children numbering into the teens. Depending on the size of your town, there was most likely more than one.

I can't imagine having even one child. I certainly can't imagine having a child at my age.

Forty years ago, Billy and I would have been the couple that people clucked their tongues at behind our backs and felt sorry for us. Poor, childless couple. Now, I know lots of couples that have been married for 20 years or more and have made the choice, as we have, to be child-free.

I also have a friend that has been married for 15 or 16 years, my age, that had her dreams of adoption come true - twice. In less than a year. They had been on a list for almost 5 years to adopt a little girl from China. That was done after working through the American system since almost the day they were married with only one partial success (they had a little girl placed with them then the mother recanted the adoption). While they were waiting for China an opportunity for a local, private adoption presented itself. They brought home their beautiful son last year. There were fears that it would jeopardize their Chinese adoption due to some timing restrictions the Chinese government imposed, but it all worked out and their daughter joined them earlier this year.

Less than a year after her brother. Instant family of four.

Better her than me! Of course, she's been on Cloud Nine for a long time. I'd be perched on the edge of the Mississippi River Bridge.

Three women.

Same age.

Very different situations.

Fortunately for all of us, society has changed since we were little girls. We can grow up to have whatever kind of family we choose. We can hold whatever types of jobs for which we're qualified.

No restrictions, or at least not near as many.

So, while I may not agree with a lot of societal changes (I'm still considered quite old-fashioned in many circles), I am glad for this one. That families can be accepted in any size.

I have mentioned before how different things are just in my own family. I reflected on my 40th birthday that my grandmother had baby less than a year old and a 7 year old when she was 40. My mother at age 40 had a junior in college.

I was still free.

I guess my message here is one of acceptance. We don't have to agree with someone else's choices always to be tolerant of them. We aren't forced to like how other people live their lives, but it is their life.

And their choice.

They may disagree with you. I'm certain the Duggars would be absolutely convinced that Billy and I were missing out on something. But in today's world, when there really are so many things that we really do need to care about and try to make better, this is one area where I think we can back off.

After all, who and what defines a family? A family, to me, is a collection of people that are connected - sometimes by birth, sometimes by circumstance - that care for and about one another.

Some are just bigger than others.