Why Me?

In the immortal words of Kris Kristofferson:

"Why me Lord
What have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the blessings I've known
Why me Lord
What did I ever do
That was worth love from you
And the kindness you've shown"

One of the sweetest sounding words in the English language, in my opinion, is "benign".  Probably the only sweeter word is "remission".

Twice in ten months I was blessed to hear the word benign.  Twice in ten months I had medical procedures, one more extensive than the other, but both ended in the word I wanted to hear.  You want to stand on the rooftop and shout out as loudly as you possibly can "I DON'T HAVE CANCER!"

But you don't. 

"Why me, Lord?"

Because, as wonderful as you feel in that instant, you have friends that aren't.  I had friends this summer that started their treatments for breast cancer, some that finished their treatments, some that continued their battle, and some that got the all clear after fighting the good fight. 

And the guilt creeps in a little.  Why was I so lucky?  How did I dodge a bullet?  Not once but twice.  What makes me different?  Why do I get to be so happy when others aren't? 

"What have I ever done....?"

Is the Lord giving me a pass on this one because He has something else in store for me, a bigger challenge?  Or is it His way of saying "you've had enough in this life my child" as a reward for dealing with things I've dealt with?

I simply don't know.

"To deserve even one"

We think the same thing about Riley.  In 2008 we had no idea that dogs could even have epilepsy, much less how prevalent it is.  Through the magic of social media we have met and formed relationships with so many families around the world that wake up every day, as we do, and say a prayer that it ends seizure free.  And then we pray again at bedtime that the night will be quiet.  

We follow each other online, touching base daily, smiling at pictures of our pups acting like
"normal" pups.  We share our experiences with those just starting down this path.   We all hold our collective breath when one gets visited by "the monster". 

And we cry deep in our hearts when one crosses the Rainbow Bridge.  Because no matter how old they were, it wasn't old enough.  We hug our own epi warrior just a little tighter and you wonder, why me?  Why us? 

Riley had severe cluster seizures every two weeks for over two years.  He's been through liver failure.  He continues to face health issues every day, including congestive heart failure and cancer. 

At the age of 12-ish, our little Timex "takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'", at least that is how it feels.

Some of our online friends have lost their warriors at only four or five years old.  Too young.  Why is our Riley so lucky?  While we know that nothing is forever,  he just keeps defying the odds.  In fact, one of his latest health concerns is simply a factor of living long enough to get it.

"Of the blessings I've known"

I intentionally had this piece post on Thanksgiving.  A day of thanks for all our blessings.  A day, often overlooked, or at least shortchanged, for remembering all the gifts we have received in our lives.

Our families, our marriage, friends, work, our health, our community, food on our tables.

The love of our Lord.

A free country with all the riches we could possibly desire if we only go after them.

Too often, we let the day-to-day take it's toll.  Money concerns.  Aging parents.  Health issues.  Un, or under, employment.  It's important to step back and say thank you.  I may have "this", but I don't have to deal with "that". 

We all have a cross to bear but sometimes we forget to say thank you for our cross and that our cross is not the one that someone else has to bear.  And to remember to say to thank you to the One, and all the others, that help us carry that cross.  That help us get our burdens to where they need to be so we can turn them over to the One that bears them all, for all of us if we only ask and give it up.

"That was worth love from you"

So, thank you.  To my friends, family, coworkers, neighbors past and present for making my life richer.  To the farmers that raised the food we will eat today; and to the workers that processed it, packaged it, and sold it.  To law enforcement, first responders, and our military for keeping us safe.  To the educators who helped shape my minds; the medical world for keeping me healthy; and everyone who has helped me become the person I am.  To the best husband a girl could ever ask for, or even dream about.

And to all of you, wherever and whoever you are.  You read these posts.  You support my dreams.  You rock!  And for you, I am thankful.  "And the kindness you've shown"