Catching the Crumbs

I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies yesterday. Just from a mix - it is busy season and all - so don't get excited.

Most anyone with pets in the house, at least dogs, knows that eating in peace can sometimes be a challenge. It certainly is in our house. As my husband was eating the cookies he commented on one of our dogs in particular. "Watch Scooter. He's picking up the crumbs."

It hit me that Scooter is always like that. No matter what you're doing with food - eating it or preparing it - he is always watching the floor to see what drops. And he nabs it before any of the others even know it hit. They are too busy looking up. They want to be ready in case you're going to give them something. They don't want to miss out on that bite they think you're going toss their way.

They don't always get something. Sometimes they stretch their noses and find nothing there for them.

Scooter, though, is picking up what is being made available to him, regardless of whether it was intended or not. Will it fill him up or make a meal? No. But does he think he's getting something cool? Yes. (Side note, I one time walked into the kitchen to find a perfectly clean Tupperware container in the middle of the floor. I was bamboozled as to how it got there when I realized that 15 minutes earlier it had been in the middle of the counter with a leftover cheese ball in it from a few days previous. Somehow Scooter had stretched himself tall enough to reach it, pull it off the counter and lick the container clean. Not even trace was left! So, he can look up when the circumstances are right.)

So, where do you look in your every day life? Are you looking up and waiting for someone to hand you something or are you keeping your head down and picking up things that are "dropped" for you? Maybe its a hint from your boss that something better is coming your way if you keep doing what you're doing. Maybe its your spouse trying to find a way to tell you that something is missing in the marriage for him or her. Could be the wistful tone in your elderly parent's voice telling you that they are lonely and they wish you'd spend more time with them. Maybe someone is paying you compliments or trying to reach out to you because they need a friend an see one in you.

The "crumbs" in our lives can come in many forms. Our job is to always be on the lookout for them and scoop them up quickly. Act on them. Save them for later. Whatever needs to be done with them.

Will catching the crumbs fill you up? No. But you might you might just walk away with a pretty sweet treat. Beats an empty plate.

Nature vs. Nurture

I've mentioned recently that I started trying to reconnect with family a while back. My own immediate family is interesting in that my dad had 2 surviving brothers and 2 sisters. From oldest (living) to youngest, there is probably a 13 to 14 year age span. I know that my youngest aunt was about 9 when my oldest cousin was born. My mom just has one brother but she's over 7 years older than he so he was only 13 when I was born. I'm 13 years older than his oldest child.

Anyway, for a long time growing up I only had cousins on one side of the family. There were 14 of us. The oldest 5 all moved to Texas when I was still very young so my memories of them are more scattered. But I'm growing closer to 3 of them thanks to modern technology. But the rest of us spent wonderful Christmas' together and had family outings and stuff like that.

Back to the subject. One of my cousins that I've really grown quite close to (again) lately is one year younger than I. Her mom and my dad were sister and brother so they grew up with the same set of rules, values and so on. Now, I've learned that despite not seeing each other as much after my grandparents died - college, marriages, moving around - we are actually very similar in a lot of ways. I've been telling her its just genetic and we can't help it.

But, for some reason this memory popped up this morning. Just goes to show that not all fruit falls from the tree.

We were probably 11 and 12 - something like that - and had spent the night together at my grandparent's house. Apparently Saturday was cleaning day and Grandma didn't really care if we were "company" or not. Looked like two able-bodied young girls to her. So she put us to work. Dusting, cleaning the mirrors, straightening things up. I did the best I could but I had never really had to do much housework.

Then it came time to do the dishes. Oy vey! My cousin jumped right in, started filling the sink with water, grabbed the soap, started washing. I remember getting a look that said "these aren't going to dry themselves, you know." All I could do was stand there. In my house, doing the dishes meant you were either loading or unloading the dishwasher. Grandma didn't have a dishwasher. I was stunned.

She finally asked me why I was just standing there. I had to confess that not only had I never washed a dish, I didn't even know how to.

Now, Grandma was stunned.

She looked at me for a minute. Then she said, and I'll never forget this, "I'm going to call your daddy about this. I can't believe he never taught you to wash dishes!" And it was not that she didn't think I was telling the truth. She was not calling him to challenge me on my statement. I didn't listen to the whole phone call but my daddy was in serious trouble with his mama!

Meanwhile, my cousin tossed me a towel and gave me the down and dirty on how to dry. A lesson I've never forgotten I assure you.

As we've gotten closer over the last few months - I feel that way and hope that she does as well - I once again find myself looking to her for some guidance. I've shared thoughts with her before they go here and looked for her counsel on other things. I hope that I bring something to this relationship that benefits her as well.

You see, it isn't always the people we see every day that mean the most to us. I don't know that she and I have actually laid eyes on each other since the summer before her sister got married in 2005. But the roots of the family tree have kept us connected. Some times better than others but it is up to each one of us to be the fertilizer to those relationships. Nature can only do so much. Some times we have to nurture as well.

Blogger's Note

Just to be clear - the issue I'm referencing in the Dream Squashers blog is not dangerous or ridiculous or anything that a truly prudent person would not have considered doing. No leaps off the Mississippi Bridge or anything like that.

And no, Mom, we're not moving again.

It was just something that was important to him.

My daddy told me once that when two people are in a relationship and they agree on everything then someone isn't holding up their end of the deal. I've never forgotten that. So this particular thing didn't fall into that category.

Don't want anyone misinterpreting.....

Dream Squashers

I have one of those perpetual, flip, desk calendars with famous quotations on each of the days. I've had it for probably 10 years so I read the same stuff year after year after year, but they are all good so it doesn't matter. Depending on where you are in life, one can hit it you in a way that it never had before. Takes on a new relevance, if you will.

I flipped over this one recently and it gave me pause. "Be careful with whom you share your secrets and hopes. Some people get their kicks from stomping on a dream."

I know people like that. And it is somewhat sad to me. Some people don't actually mean to do it but not showing support is almost as bad as coming right out and stomping on it.

I don't see what some folks get out of not supporting their fellow man. I try very hard to let my family and friends know they have my support for whatever they feel like they should be doing. I've gone so far as to volunteer for certain roles in the process should some of them start to change their dream to a reality. Try to show that I'm more than just a lip service and can actually help if they want it.

But the point was driven home the other day that sometimes I'm better at this with those who are outside my very immediate group. My husband wanted to do something, and I jumped on the bandwagon - the next day. Not as soon as he brought it up. And I hurt him. I didn't mean to. He caught me off-guard and I didn't respond correctly. I took time to think about it.

This is the same man that never hesitated when I wanted to pack up everything and move 1200 miles to a new state, new town, new job, new everything. This is the same man that does double duty at home every time I get involved in a play at the theatre that takes me away on nights and weekends. The same man that doesn't eat his dinner until after 7 pm during busy season because I'm not home. He never questions or wonders or thinks about it. If it is what I want to do then that is good enough for him.

He isn't wrong to expect the same unwavering support from me for things he's thought through and wants to pursue.

Now, all is forgiven on the homefront, but it taught me a lesson. Support goes both ways. (And I'm normally very good about it. He wanted to leave a job and go to work for himself and I said OK. He needed to take the promotion that moved us away from our homes growing up and I said OK. So its not that has been one-sided for the last 20 years.) And only we can give that to another person. It isn't as if someone can reach inside our hearts, pull out the support and hand it to someone. It has to be freely given, without strings, from one to another.

I am still pursuing a lot of dreams. I've said before that I'm part gypsy and I like to be always trying something new. I want to write and cook professionally and a half dozen other things. It's hard to find the time to do all that I want to but at least I know that I have my biggest fan in my corner and together we'll chase those dreams, mine and his, and see what happens.

Squashed dreams are like deflated balloons. Wrinkled up, tossed aside and left on the curb. How much better for you to be the air in those balloons, watching the dreams and hopes attached to them soar off into unknown than to be the one with the pin popping them and watching them fall.

I mean think about it. Who doesn't get a smile on their face watching a sky full of balloons float overhead? I know I do.

I Miss Mayberry

OK, I realize that my view of life in the Fifties comes only from what I saw on television growing up, and as explained by my parents. I loved (still do) watching The Andy Griffith Show and Happy Days. I also realize that they showed mostly the best parts of life during that time. The innocence of that time. I can remember one episode of Happy Days that had a divorcee' and the great scandal that was. No one wanted to associate with her. Its hard to name one show on television right now that doesn't have someone divorced. (Side note, I understand there are perfectly good reasons for divorces. This is not a slam on anyone who is divorced.) There were no episodes with unwed mothers either, or if there was one I don't remember it. We're bombarded on a daily basis right now with unwed mothers - many of whom are so by choice.

I saw an online article the other day that says that the percentage of unwed mothers is at an all time high. The curious aspect of this, though, is that it isn't the typical teenage mother that we immediately associate with the term unwed mothers. In many cases these are career woman who are actually in committed relationships, just not married. Magazines are always showing us the latest celebrity couple about to expand their family. I even caught myself feeling sad the other day when I was reading People Magazine and under the births they actually have to specify whether the second party in the relationship is a spouse or just a long-time companion.

How did we to this point?

What really prompted this post was my learning the other day that "sexting" had hit our small town. Kids that are classmates of my coworkers children. Males and females.

I simply can't imagine what these teenagers are thinking when they are taking and sending nude pictures of themselves. Long before the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) craze, I lived by the WDBD rules.

Would Daddy Be Disappointed?

Most everything I did growing up was tempered by the fear of getting "the look" when I got home. So I didn't do a lot of the things that some of my friends or classmates did. That's not to say that I was perfect and they weren't, but I just didn't want to have to deal with Daddy when I got home. (Side note, it isn't that my mother was any less disapproving but my daddy's look was the one that would cut me to the core). Matter of fact, I still use that as a moral guidepost. I'm not entirely sure how Heaven works but I'm going on the assumption that potential is there for Daddy to see all I do and I really don't want to be greeted at the Pearly Gates someday with him standing there giving me that look. Simply isn't worth the risk.

So, back to my question. How did we get here? What can we do about it? I'm not so naive to think we can go backwards in time and eliminate all these social changes but can we at least slow them down some? These kids in town that I'm talking about are the ones in church on Sunday morning and Wednesday nights. They come from 2 parent homes - usually the two original parents. These are not the kids that you think have fallen through the cracks and need to be rescued.

I don't have any answers for this. I think the punishment for the 18 year old boy/young man in Florida who got mad at his girlfriend and sent her naked picture to everyone in her email address book was too harsh. Yes, now that it is public it may actually serve as a deterent. Possibly. My husband says they had to make an example of someone. Maybe so, but I find it hard to believe that anyone would have knowingly hit the Send button if that laundry list of punishments was made public beforehand. And, to his credit, he has accepted full personal responsibility for the act, which is something else I find woefully lacking in this generation, but shouldn't his girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend) bear a little of the blame for sending it to him in the first place?

Back in Mayberry, Sheriff Taylor always had a good moral lesson that was learned in the 30 minute show. Opie or Barney or even Aunt Bea would come out a little better for Andy's words of wisdom.

Wonder how he would handle this one?

Its Who You Know

The Madoffs have been making big news lately. You know them, he swindled billions of dollars from trusting investors, is whining that he can't stand it now that he's in jail and she's hoarding all her money saying it was hers and she had nothing to do with her husband's business.



Bull puckey, I say.



I don't doubt for one second that if I did even a fraction of what Mr. Madoff successfully pulled off I would have been thrown under the jail immediately, never to be heard from again. What he did was so far beyond criminal that the fact that he was allowed to remain in his penthouse apartment before he was formally charged and sent to jail just sickens me. Who did he know that allowed that situation to occur?



And, as for Mrs. Madoff. The lack of moral fiber in this woman is just beyond the pale! If I found out that my husband had pulled off this kind of stunt I would be cleaning out my bank accounts, selling everything I had to try and start making even minimal restitution to the victims. I would not be able to live with myself, surrounded by luxury, knowing that charities were folding, people were trying to return to the workforce and watching their life savings evaporate. Just go up in the smoke that was being blown in their faces.



I made that comment to my husband and he said I wouldn't do it if I'd been in on the whole time. That, too me, makes her actions even more reprehensible. You get married for the good, the bad, and the ugly. If my husband were in jail for something we both did, I'd have to go to. Again, I don't see how I could live with myself.



I guess it's easy to sit here, many miles and millions of dollars away from the situation, and voice an opinion. Rumor has it that you don't know how you'll actually respond to a situation until you're in it. We all like to think and hope that we would be the hero and save someone from a burning building but who really knows what you'll do when the flames are licking at your heels.



And, in truth, I don't want to find out. Not that I'm afraid of disappointing myself, but I just hope that I never find myself in the situation - of my making or someone else's - where someone's life or livelihood is at stake. I'm a bit of a Pollyanna and always want the best for everyone and spout rainbows and sunshine.



The real crux of the matter is that life IS about who you know. But not who you know that can get you out of situations. Who you associate with that will ensure you never find yourself in those circumstances.



Birds of a feather and all of that...

Plugged In

Yesterday afternoon, my boss' college team won their conference tournament and earned a bid to the NCAA Tournament. I grabbed up my cell phone and started sending him a text message. The comment from the other side of the room was "What is it with you and your gadgets? The computer, your music, your cell phone, all your electronics. Could you survive without them?" "Of course!" I answered, with something of an attitude.

And just to prove it, I sat there the rest of the afternoon. I didn't Twitter, didn't tell Facebook what was on my mind, didn't send or receive email. I didn't even play Monopoly on my BlackBerry. I just watched television and started reading a magazine. Even dozed off for a while.

But I'll admit, though it was nice for a while, I missed it. I guess I have turned it something of a junkie. My emails are forwarded to my cell phone so I don't miss anything. I've reconnected with over 100 friends on Facebook so I don't want to miss an update now. I could spend, and have spent, hours with my Wii. I'm in love with my iPod so it stays handy if I need to block out the world. I've previously confessed to my YouTube addiction.

(I'm not as addicted to Twitter. I guess there has to be a silver lining in all of this. I get on there sometimes and see all the updates - waiting on a bus, brushing my teeth, going to bed, yada yada yada - and I do think that I really don't need all that information about folks.)

I am old enough to remember the world - clearly - without all this stuff. I remember the first Radar Range (AKA microwave) that took up half the kitchen counter. Our first "computer" was a Commodore 64 that plugged into a small black and white TV. We had a Pong game, then Atari. I started on the Nintendo craze after I moved into my own apartment. I remember when cell phones were mounted in the cars or carried in a bag the size of a small suitcase. I can still feel how the weigh of the first one I got that could be carried in my purse.

But I also remember spending Saturday mornings at the library and coming home with a stack of books. That stack was supposed to last all week but it often times it didn't. I could curl up in a chair and get lost in those other worlds with the characters. Playing at the pool all summer long in the fresh air and sunshine. Setting up Barbie's dream house and creating the stories for her.

On the plus side, and there is one, I have used all this electronic gadgetry to make and maintain family and friend connections. A few years ago I reached out through email to my five oldest cousins. Three responded and I'm in fairly regular contact with them now. And I'm glad for that. I can see pictures of their children and grandchildren and hear about what I missed not growing up close to them. I think, sometimes, there is something to be said for establishing relationships as a adults, even for people you've known since childhood. The same is true for my Facebook friends. We've been able to have a virtual 25th year class reunion online. And I'm learning so much about these people that I didn't know before. I have a lot in common with many of them and we never knew it. High school, for me, was very structured so if someone was not involved in a group I participated in I didn't have much opportunity to really get to know them. Those boundaries and limitations are down now. Now we are only limited by how much time we can spend online.

So, everything in moderation. I realize that I need to step back a few paces and re-evaluate how much time I spend plugged into the outside world. Make sure it isn't taking precedence over something more important - like having the Magnificient 7 slurp my face or curling up to watch a movie with my better half.

Life can be good, unplugged.

The Fragility of Life

We were reminded again this morning of how fleeting life can be. Our local county sheriff was found dead in his home by his wife overnight. This is the third such case lately. We had a 22 year old found by his parents and a 29 year woman who had an asthma attack while on the phone with her boyfriend. The emergency personnel didn't get there in time.

Up until the end there was no sign that anything was wrong in any of the cases. They'd all been living their lives just moments before.

In Missouri and Alabama there have been mass shootings the last couple of days. Innocent people gunned down for no reason. Normal people going about their normal routines and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In my own life, I've lost people rather unexpectedly. While I was a senior in college, my 18 year old cousin was coming home for Christmas after his first semester at college and was hit and killed by a drunk driver. My dad died before I was ready. And I had a cousin that at 43 died of heat stroke after successfully battling brain cancer for 10 years. She had only been given 18 months at the initial diagnosis. Having lost my stepfather this past summer to the exact same brain tumors 19 months after his diagnosis, we know that my cousin had much longer on this earth than expected.

The phone calls you get after one of these tragedies are soul-crushing. Someone you talked to, saw, shared a meal with only hours before is no longer there.

Don't go to bed angry. One of you might not wake up. Don't leave someone in haste because you've got someplace else to get to. Tell people good-bye like you mean it. Hug those you love. Tell people you love them if you do. Be genuine, honest and open in your affection.

Remember always that you might not get another chance. Don't waste the ones you are given.

Besides, whose day doesn't get better with a hug and kiss?

Tomorrow's Fishwrap

I will confess that listening to Keith Urban is just about the only thing that gets me through busy season. I could listen to him play the guitar until his fingers bled and never get bored. His music just really speaks to me. He is so incredibly talented. So, I find any and all ways to hear him. iPod, CDs, podcasts, you name it.

You Tube has become a blessing. I can hear video clips from live concerts, old videos not on television anymore - and radio and television interviews.

I don't actually watch the videos because I am working, but I listen. Singing along in my head. Occassionally out loud according to my co-workers. So, yesterday, in the midst of all the videos that I strung together to play there was an interview Keith did. Suddenly hearing his voice and not knowing the words, I paid a little closer attention.

This interview had to be in late 2007 or in 2008. He was talking about putting himself in rehab for substance abuse problems. He had never intended to be very public with it but, to his credit, he's never shied away from talking about his time in rehab, and that this was not the first time he had sought help. He recognizes that he may be able to reach one person or help someone get through by sharing his personal story. But it is his very personal story.

So often we place celebrities or artist or whatever you want to call them up on pedestals. We elevate them and want to see all and read about all they do, forgetting that they wake up in the morning like we do, want to grab a cup of coffee like we do and go about their day. No one snaps pictures of me running into the coffee shop in a ballcap but, for some reason, the media follow these public figures and gives the rest of us all these details.

Whether they are actually true, 100% accurate details, they get reported.

Keith talked about how he had to reach a point where he wasn't reading everything that was being written about him. That he knew what was going on his life, he is in full communication with his wife and family and that he had to understand that whatever was written in today's newspaper would just become tomorrow's fishwrap.

I absolutely loved that line. Tomorrow's fishwrap.

How nice it would be if we could apply that philosophy to all the things in our everyday lives that don't go well. The person that cuts us off in traffic or steals our parking spot. The friend that hurt our feelings. The client that wouldn't co-operate. The child that defied us at every turn. Just mentally take that day's events, set it aside to wrap the trash in, and toss it out. Start tomorrow fresh. (Yes, I know that officially the newspaper is used to wrap the fish and chips that is being eaten at a meal the next day but it will be trash when the food is gone.)

I will admit that letting things go is one of my flaws. One of many. It isn't that I hold a grudge so much as that I don't just forget it. I may not constantly remind whoever slighted me of the offending event, but I will always know. Now, what is the purpose in that? Nothing. Something just taking up space inside me that doesn't need to be there.

So, I'm going to start trying to go the stack of newspapers in my mind and wrap a lot of fish. Seems a much more productive exercise than carrying them around any longer.

Paid to Play

I have received several text messages this week from ESPN (yes, ESPN - I love sports!) regarding the contracts that baseball and football players are signing. $45 million for 2 years. $100 million for 7 years.

Millions.

I've said before that it is none of my business how people choose to spend their money. And I stand by that. But that doesn't mean that I can't challenge them to think about it.

Basically, these men (I know there's women's basketball and soccer but I only hear about men and the big bucks) are being paid to play a game. Entertain us. That's all.

I have a hard time swallowing those numbers for this type of work. If there was no baseball season this year (and let's face it, there have been several shortened baseball seasons because of players' strikes) what would we really be missing? Its not like the firefighters went on strike and everyone's homes burned down. Or the teachers quit teaching so our children all ran loose in the streets. Take a look at New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina and you'll get an idea of what a world without police officers looks like.

I think there are many professions that are underpaid and under appreciated. Entertainers and athletes are not among that list.

Growing up, I used to want to be a teacher. My mother, a lifelong educator, was adamently opposed. Adamently. Said I could do more with what I'd been given. (To her credit she also recognized a lack of patience on my part that is generally a prerequisite to teaching). I will never forget the day I got my offer letter from an international accounting firm. Thanksgiving week of my senior year in college. I was still in school and completely untested in my chosen field. My mother, 22 years of experience with hours above her Master's Degree, looked at it and said "You'll be making $500 more a year than me. That's why I wouldn't let you be a teacher."

Total reality check.

I know there are bad teachers, corrupt policeman, soldiers who go overboard in conflicts. But maybe society has set them up to fail. How can you attract the cream of the crop when they are barely making a living wage? I know many families in these very important professions who have to work side jobs just to make the ends meet in a very modest lifestyle. They aren't driving the big cars or living in the mansions. And yet, they protect us at night while we sleep. They rush into the burning buildings while everyone else is running out. They are shaping the minds of our future in their classrooms.

Just seems a little out of whack that we, collectively, put such a small price tag on such important work. The true pillars and foundations of our communities. Yet the guys that can jump the highest, run the fastest and hit the ball the farthest are negotiating multi-million dollar contracts for just a couple of years of work.

I realize I'm part of the problem. Daddy always said if you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem. I pay the big ticket prices to attend concerts. I pay for all the sports channels so I can watch football and NASCAR. I did quit attending professional baseball games after the second or third players strike. Found out I didn't miss it after a while. And I won't watch a movie or television if the actors and actresses have become too outspoken for my tastes and forgotten that they are paid to entertain, not espouse all their views of the world. Some nights I end up reading a lot.

As I said, team owner can spend their money as they wish. They earned it. If they want to pass out millions to one player, that's their business. But, if Congress, who is in charge of spending MY money, can pass out trillions of dollars for projects to watch beavers build dams and crickets mate, why can't we find the money to pass out the the people who really need and deserve it? There are school districts that can't buy basic supplies for their classrooms. Firefighters using outdated equipment. Surely there is a way to reprioritize our tax money. In long run, won't the benefits be greater?

Or maybe we really do need to know much gas the cows in Texas are expelling is depleting the ozone layer.