Nature vs. Nurture

I've mentioned recently that I started trying to reconnect with family a while back. My own immediate family is interesting in that my dad had 2 surviving brothers and 2 sisters. From oldest (living) to youngest, there is probably a 13 to 14 year age span. I know that my youngest aunt was about 9 when my oldest cousin was born. My mom just has one brother but she's over 7 years older than he so he was only 13 when I was born. I'm 13 years older than his oldest child.

Anyway, for a long time growing up I only had cousins on one side of the family. There were 14 of us. The oldest 5 all moved to Texas when I was still very young so my memories of them are more scattered. But I'm growing closer to 3 of them thanks to modern technology. But the rest of us spent wonderful Christmas' together and had family outings and stuff like that.

Back to the subject. One of my cousins that I've really grown quite close to (again) lately is one year younger than I. Her mom and my dad were sister and brother so they grew up with the same set of rules, values and so on. Now, I've learned that despite not seeing each other as much after my grandparents died - college, marriages, moving around - we are actually very similar in a lot of ways. I've been telling her its just genetic and we can't help it.

But, for some reason this memory popped up this morning. Just goes to show that not all fruit falls from the tree.

We were probably 11 and 12 - something like that - and had spent the night together at my grandparent's house. Apparently Saturday was cleaning day and Grandma didn't really care if we were "company" or not. Looked like two able-bodied young girls to her. So she put us to work. Dusting, cleaning the mirrors, straightening things up. I did the best I could but I had never really had to do much housework.

Then it came time to do the dishes. Oy vey! My cousin jumped right in, started filling the sink with water, grabbed the soap, started washing. I remember getting a look that said "these aren't going to dry themselves, you know." All I could do was stand there. In my house, doing the dishes meant you were either loading or unloading the dishwasher. Grandma didn't have a dishwasher. I was stunned.

She finally asked me why I was just standing there. I had to confess that not only had I never washed a dish, I didn't even know how to.

Now, Grandma was stunned.

She looked at me for a minute. Then she said, and I'll never forget this, "I'm going to call your daddy about this. I can't believe he never taught you to wash dishes!" And it was not that she didn't think I was telling the truth. She was not calling him to challenge me on my statement. I didn't listen to the whole phone call but my daddy was in serious trouble with his mama!

Meanwhile, my cousin tossed me a towel and gave me the down and dirty on how to dry. A lesson I've never forgotten I assure you.

As we've gotten closer over the last few months - I feel that way and hope that she does as well - I once again find myself looking to her for some guidance. I've shared thoughts with her before they go here and looked for her counsel on other things. I hope that I bring something to this relationship that benefits her as well.

You see, it isn't always the people we see every day that mean the most to us. I don't know that she and I have actually laid eyes on each other since the summer before her sister got married in 2005. But the roots of the family tree have kept us connected. Some times better than others but it is up to each one of us to be the fertilizer to those relationships. Nature can only do so much. Some times we have to nurture as well.