Days Go By

"I can feel them flying like a hand out the window in the wind" ~ Keith Urban

I stated the other day that I don't consider myself to be old. That perspective changes a little when I remember that my 25th high school reunion is this Saturday.

25 years.

That will make you feel old.

Below is a picture from my yearbook. Not my senior picture, just a picture.



Here is the story behind the picture.

A feature story was being done on a group of students that I was in and I was unaware of the story, despite being on the yearbook staff. The yearbook deadline for printing was drawing near. My classmate who was taking the pictures came up to me one day totally exasperated. You see, he'd been waiting for a couple of weeks to take my picture.

Waiting on me to "look like everyone else."

What you see in the picture is pretty much how I dressed for school every day.

Apparently I've always been a bit of a geek.

Many in my high school class have already started reconnecting on Facebook. I've "friended" a lot of folks that I really didn't know that well in high school. We ran in different groups, had different backgrounds, different classes and career paths.

And I find now that we actually have a lot in common. We like the same music and artists, love to travel, enjoy reading, never had children. It made me stop and think about how many people I meet every day that I don't really get to know but with whom I may actually have a lot in common. Potentially very good friends that really just pass through our lives.

How much would it take to get to know someone better? How much effort? Wouldn't it be worth it? All it might take is a cup of coffee, or an invitation to lunch, or adding a new name to an old guest list.

Not everyone is what they seem. Sometimes the least likely choice is the right one. Someone doesn't have to live or work or "be" just like you to add something to your life.

They might even dress funny.

But give them a chance. You won't know until you try.

Dis-re-spect-ful

I don't consider myself to be old. Although my husband reminds me, frequently, that there was a time in my life when I considered a 43 year old to have one foot in the grave, my old-age scale has slid considerably north of 43. Remember, my grandmother is 95 (and a half!) so my frame of reference is slightly different.

But I guess I am a little set in my ways and some of those "ways" are, perhaps, old-fashioned.

Here is my current issue. The generation that would consider 43 as old is slowly losing their social skills. Manners included. I've had to just learn and accept that young men are going to wear their baseball caps at the table.

Today's teenagers, and yes I'm generalizing, spend so much time connecting to the outside world electronically that they no longer know how to truly connect. Facebook, Twitter, and My Space are all considered social networks but how "social" do you have to be when it is just you and your computer? Complete sentences aren't a requirement. Matter of fact, I see of a lot of incomplete words.

I mean, do they know that there is a difference between your and you're and that neither are actually spelled "ur"?

They also text constantly. They don't pick up the phone to make a call, they just type it. They don't walk down the street to see if someone can throw a football around, they just sit and text. They have hundreds of "friends" but no one to actually do anything with.

And apparently there are no boundaries. This is the story that really pushed me over the edge.

I was asked by a client to present a financial section at a leadership conference she is hosting here in town. Included in my session are also two other professionals speaking on different management topics. One of which is hiring practices. My client and I started talking about the generation gap between people our age hiring young people right out of college and having to accept certain differences. For instance, you may receive a resume' attached to an email rather than mailed with a proper cover letter. You may have to train someone to actually write a memo rather than type one with word processing software that has "spell-check".

Differences that exist in our electronically advanced world.

But, and here is the rub, my client related an experience from a few weeks ago. Her husband is a minister. Every few weeks the Youth Choir present and lead the music in the worship service. As she watched the young people during the service it became obvious they were texting.

Some to each other.

During church.

How incredibly disrespectful! To the minister, to the congregation, to the other choir members.

So where is the line going to be drawn and who is going to draw it?

I look to the parents - but these are people that are my age so I don't get it. I've heard all the "pick your battles" stuff but I don't buy it. Manners and social skills have to be taught, and they really are important. People do draw conclusions based on how you act and what you say when they meet you. Maybe it isn't right, but it is reality. I worked with a partner that wouldn't hire you if you put salt on your food at your interview lunch. To him, it said that your ideas were predetermined (you didn't check to see if your food needed salt you just assumed it did and salted it) and you weren't open to change. May have been completely off-base and he might have missed some good hires but that was his litmus test. One of my current partners just spent some time with his 16-year-old granddaughter and one of her friends. The friend will not be invited on another trip. She texted at the table during the meals. Even kept it by the shower just in case she needed to reply to someone immediately.

So, is it too late?

Can this tide be stemmed?

I don't know.

But I do know that I feel a little older than I did a while ago.

Life is All About Choices

I was reading an article the other day about Sarah Palin. I'm not here to debate Sarah Palin, the person. I understand that she is, or can be, a very polarizing person ad I'm not up for creating any controversy.

But I would like to objectively analyze some of her recent actions.

In her resignation speech she said "Life is all about choices". That is a true statement. But some people have been incredibly judgemental about her choices. I've heard "political suicide", "letting the Alaskans down", " serious mistake".

I guess it is all a matter of perspective.

When she was elected governor, if my memory serves me correctly, she had not given birth to a child with Down's Syndrome. She had some young children, yes, but not an infant that has special needs. She did find out early on that the child she was carrying would be born with Down's Syndrome.

So her first choice to have the child anyway. Some women might not have. Depends on what is important to the woman.

Then she was tapped to be the Vice Presidential nominee. She made another choice. That one would have to be tough to turn down. At least it would have been for me if I had been in her position.

After being in the public spotlight and all that entails, she made another choice. To step down early from the governor's office.

It isn't up to any of us to know what prompted her decisions. It could be that taking care of an infant/toddler and being the governor was more than she bargained for. I can certainly understand that.

It could be that she believed she was putting the the citizens of Alaska first by not trying to serve while distracted - either by other political aspirations or family issues or anything else. I could get behind that position. I hate these politicians that get elected to an office and then almost immediately start running for another office. I've seen it time and time again. To me, that is a greater disservice to the constituents than resigning.

It could be that after about a year of public scrutiny she made the choice to put her family first and everyone else be darned. I can get behind that as well.

We all make choices every day. Little stuff - what to have for breakfast, what to wear to work - to the big stuff. We choose our elected officials, we make choices about jobs. Every single day we live is nothing more than one long series of choices.

So, what right do I have to judge anyone else's choices? Who has the right to judge mine? I may not agree with you or you with me but ultimately the choice in question is mine or yours to make. If someone is doing something that they have truly been thoughtful about and believe in then I don't see where anyone else gets a vote. I've known of people that made a decision to refuse cancer treatment since it would only delay the inevitable. I've known people who leave good jobs to follow a dream. But those are personal choices.

At the end of each day we all get ready for bed. That typically includes brushing your teeth.

In front of a mirror.

As long as I can look in that mirror and look myself in the eye and have no regrets about the day's choices then I'm OK. I will sleep good. I can't worry about what anyone else may think. The only person that I ultimately have to satisfy is myself.

And, believe me, I am harder on myself than just about anyone else could be.

As is my choice.

Mission Accomplished

One of the purposes of this past week's family vacation was to create some happy memories. Last year during this week my mother's husband lost his battle with a brain tumor after 18 months. So rather than dwell on that, we all packed up this year and tried to do something different.

Mission accomplished.

We had a wonderful time. I have to admit I felt a little apprehension. We'd never tried a big family vacation and we'd not spent a week together in a very long time. But it was all good.

That's not to say that we didn't think about Dicky. We did. But I think he would have been proud of how we spent this week. When Dicky was diagnosed he didn't let it stop him. When I say he battled the brain tumor what I mean is that he didn't give in to it. He took care of business and then he and my mom traveled and did whatever they wanted.

Right up until the end. The last trip they took was in May of last year. And it was a long one to California.

So I think Dicky would be glad that we were together and off having a good time. Not letting his absence get us down.





This week brought back many memories of those we've lost. I truly believe the best way to honor a life is to live. Take them with you in your heart and keep going. It isn't always easy. I know that. Some days your heart hurts so much you don't want to get out of bed.

But life goes on.

Like it or not.

So grab it by the horns and get out there and live it.

We Interrupt This Vacation

While I have spent a lot of time in the sun, sand and surf, I did stop some the last couple of days to follow the Sotomayor confirmation hearings.

I have said before that I want the best person selected for the position. Irregardless of gender, race, ethnicity, etc. So the question would really be what qualifications make the candidate the best choice?

I don't know definitively what the answer would be but I would think that one consideration would be not having your lower court decisions overturned by the Supreme Court.

Call me crazy. Wouldn't be the first time.

I know that the Supreme Court does not always agree on their decisions. You have dissenters. But I think her decision (she was one of a three judge panel I believe) was overturned fairly unanimously. Doesn't that speak to your ability to understand and interpret the laws?

I also have a little problem with some of the Senators stating that the President - any President, not just our current President - has the right to have his nominations accepted. So if they want to nominate their no-good brother-in-law to a high-paying government position it is supposed to just be confirmed without question?

Now that may an extreme example but, for me, it goes to the heart of the problem with our government system as it is currently constructed. Everyone is scratching each other's back and no one is willing to go out on a limb and just do the right thing.

Kind of sad, actually. The system will just be perpetuated and there will be no change. At least not a change for the better.

Deep Sea Fishing, Footprints and Outdoor Grilling

Yesterday was a fairly exhausting day. I fell asleep before I could chronicle it.

It started with my sister and the boys going deep sea fishing. Which was interesting to me since the last she went - over 20 years ago - she and our boy cousin spent most of the trip down below seeing how many shades of green they could turn and upchucking over the side of the boat. But apparently there is some incredible new motion sickness medicine that worked like a charm and they ended up catching 14 King Mackerel.

Which I grilled for them. Not all of it but a great deal of it. And no I didn't dress them, the boat company did that.

The plan was always that I would cook for "my kids" one night. And while they wanted some of my spaghetti it was determined that shish-k-bobs would be better. At least then we would be consuming most all of what we purchased whereas with spaghetti I'd be buying spices and stuff that I'd have to carry back home. So I loaded up the skewers with beef, chicken, veggies and shrimp and covered the grill. Several times. Teenage boys can put away the groceries! Add salad, green beans, corn on the cob, and rolls and we had a veritable feast! We also tossed their fish on the grill and it was very good. I think they got a real kick out of eating their catch.

They really appreciated my efforts to cook for them and it warmed my heart for them to tell me so.

Good kids.

They also went parasailing yesterday. My sister figured while they had the good motion sickness medicine they should put it to full use. For that excursion we switch my younger nephew for my niece. They really enjoyed it. I watched from the shoreline. Seemed like the safest place to be.

The last trip down memory lane are the footprints. (Side note - my mom is not mentioned much in these memories of growing up because she usually spent the entire time in the house - typically sweeping sand. She hates sand. I can see her in one of her one piece "uniforms", curlers in her hair, and broom in hand. She is unequivocally not a beach person. Although she is better than she used to be. This trip she came down to the beach on day one for a couple of minutes and again today for about an hour.)

I've started each morning with a 2 mile walk down the beach. And I've looked at a lot of footprints along the way. I remember taking a similar walk when I was maybe 13 or 14 and my dad was walking behind me. He commented that it was the first time he'd ever realized that my right foot turns out a little when I walk. He'd never before seen my footprints.

Footprints are interesting. You can see where you're headed or where you've been. If you're quick. Because in the blink of an eye the tide rolls in and washes the footprints away.

Happens to a lot of things in our lives - past loves, old friends, first jobs. There one minute and gone the next. The important thing is to examine your steps along the way - even the ones that turn off the straight and narrow a little bit. Appreciate that which is uniquely yours and enjoy the walk.

Rainy Days and Mondays

Today was both.

It started off nice enough. Got my walk in. But the storms settled in just before 11 this morning and it has been off and on since. But I've had lots of time to remember stuff.

First, we had so much fun last night. I brought my Wii and all the games and we bowled and played tennis for hours. I remembered all those years ago when the players were different and the games not quite as high tech but still fun.

Today, I thought about the day we played "beauty shop". I don't know if there was a hurricane or if it was just a bad week but I think that week it had rained about 4 days and we were running out of stuff to do indoors. One of the disadvantages to a house instead of a hotel with an indoor pool.

Anyway. Daddy agreed to be the "client". Now, picture in your mind every cowboys and Indians movie and think about the Indians. They all have long, straight, black hair, right? Well in the mid-70s perms on men were in. So my mom and her cousin tried to give Daddy a "perm". Cherokee hair does not curl. But it was hysterical to watch them try. Curling irons, rollers, you name it. Nothing worked. But it was fun. I can still see the black sky through the windows behind him and him just sitting there, patiently, while they worked on him.

We didn't do any of that today. We shopped and read and played a little more Wii. But it was only day 1. Hopefully the rain will move somewhere else where they need and want it - like back home.

In the meantime, we're going to grill out tonight and tomorrow night. For me cooking is a treat and not a chore so I'm looking forward to feeding my family. And probably play more games enjoy each others' company.

Because I know all too well that we won't always be here to do so. Two members of that group all those years ago are no longer with us. At least not physically. I know they are watching, though. And smiling.

See you tomorrow.

And so it begins....

The Summer of "Me".

I woke up Friday morning and went through my usual routine - exercised, got my coffee and headed to the computer. And first time in a very long time there was nothing for me to do. No payrolls to do, no tax returns, no deposits to be made, no checks for the theatre.

I hardly knew how to act.

And then yesterday we all headed to Florida. Gonna start the summer off right! And when I say all I include not only my husband but also my mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, two nephews, one niece and one of my nephew's friends.

Three teenage boys and one preteen girl.

Could be an interesting week.

Today brought back a lot of memories.

1010 Ariola. Pensacola Beach. Mid-70s.

Growing up, for several years, my family spent a week in Florida with my mom's cousin and her family. My mom's cousin was raised more like a sister and they are very close. Her daughter was about 2 and a half years older than I but she seemed so much older. I thought she was beautiful and so sophisticated and I usually felt like a really dorky kid around her And the son was a week younger than my sister and they were like two peas in a pod.

So we 8 would spend a week at the house and all sorts of hilarity would ensue.

I will share some of those memories over the week.

But here is what came back first. In later years, the one boy cousin would bring a friend - to keep from being brutally outnumbered. Now I've told you all enough about my dad to understand that not just anyone could fit it. But this was a special young man and he joined in just like one of the family.

But, no matter how wonderful they are, teenage boys are teenage boys. They sleep half the day and stay up most of the night. And they just wander the beach looking for anything female in a bathing suit. Conversation is minimal. Matter of fact, I'm not sure I've seen them a sum total of 15 minutes since we got in from supper last night.

But, we're all here together. One family. Making memories.

Like this morning. I still arose at 5:45 am - conditioning you know - took a 2 mile walk on the beach and drank my coffee on the balcony with my husband.

Here's the view:



A nice memory already.

Sadness

There has been a lot of sadness lately. While all the people that have passed away lately have been celebrities to us, they were someone's mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, spouse.

And while I feel for all the families - the Fawcetts, the Mays, the Jacksons, and all the others, a lot of my sympathy goes out to Mechelle McNair. What a week.

Not only does her husband get gunned down and leave her a young widow with 4 children, but she also learns he was a cheater.

Some of you may think she knew it all along. You wonder how something like an affair could be going on and she not know it. Stranger things have happened. I've had mothers tell me they didn't know their teenage daughters were pregnant while they were living in the same house so I'll believe almost anything.

But how devasting! So much to take in. Her world was just shattered on so many levels.

Cheating is the one thing that I made pretty clear early on in our marriage. I'd been cheated on before in a previous long-term relationship and I was unwilling to go through that again. I've always said that if circumstances are such that my husband didn't want to stay married then that was one thing, but leave first. Don't cheat. It's humiliating and any number of other demoralizing emotions.

So, while I extend my sympathies to all the families with losses lately (and no, I'm not going to get into the extended coverage of the Michael Jackson funeral while families lost soldiers that day. Anyone who has read this more than once or twice probably knows how I feel about that) I offer an extra hug to Mrs. McNair.

She will need it.

Taking A Stand

A wise man once said "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem". I have been struggling with an issue for several weeks now. One of the first blogs I posted last fall was about letting the bully win. I've been involved with an organization for several years and as the end of my term was drawing closer I found myself in the same position as so many before me - just waiting for the end so I could run and never look back.

All because of one person.

One.

I've really struggled with this and asked so many others in this organization why we all kept letting it happen. Were the contributions of one so much more valuable than all the others that we were willing to let good people leave and keep the one? Truly didn't make sense to me.

A few weeks ago some information was presented to me that pushed me over the edge. I knew I could no longer keep silent. If I did I would never forgive myself.

Several factors made this very difficult. First, I considered both persons to be very good friends. Second, the information was of a very personal nature and I had no wish to force it to become public.

So I wrestled with myself. The good thing about wrestling with yourself is that you will win. You are the only player. But that doesn't mean that someone else isn't going to lose.

So, with a promise to one to protect as much as I could and keep the identity secret I brought all my concerns to the other members of the organization.

And I cost a man his job.

No, I didn't cost him his job, his actions did, but it was my exposing them that was the final straw. And I did ask that he not be allowed to continue in his position.

In the end, the second person involved had to share also. My heart broke a little hearing all these things being said aloud to a room full of people. But I'm so proud that this person found what it took inside to do it. I was sorry it had to be done, but it did.

Being a grown up isn't always easy. It would have been easy for me to just wake up on July 1 and say "I'm out". But I just couldn't. I would have been allowing a person to continue behaving badly with no consequences.

I think I was raised better.

Sometimes you just gotta take a stand.