Selfish

The following definition is from Wikipedia: Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others.

It is not my intent to step on anyone's toes with this post. I do not have any children. The reasons behind that are personal, but I can say it is by choice. I believe, for the most part, having or not having children is a choice. Even women who cannot physically bear children can choose to adopt or foster children. (That is where the choice of actually "having" the children can break down because there are factors beyond the individual's control when dealing with our current adoption and foster care systems. I want to clarify that I understand that aspect and this is not intended to extend to that level.)

Anyway. As a person who has chosen to not have children, I have been called selfish. Usually by people that do have children. I truly don't understand that. I'm not sure, by the above definition, who's needs or desires I'm placing above my own. I can say that my mother-in-law desires to be a grandmother, but I don't think that's a good enough reason to become a mother. I suppose there are lots of children in the adoption and foster care systems that desire a permanent home and I would be considered selfish in that environment. I've always looked at it as being the needs and desires of someone with whom I'm actually personally acquainted. But I'll accept that if need be.

I'd like to make an argument that the woman in California, with no job and no father for the children, who just had 8 children to add to her existing family of 6 under the age of 7, 3 of whom have special needs, is the selfish one. She put her desire to have more children above the needs of the ones she had. Every child deserves time with their parents. Deserves to be loved and made to feel special. These older children will be robbed of their childhood as they will inevitably have to help with all the babies. (As a side note, I feel similarly about the family in northwest Arkansas that now has 18 children but at least those pretty much came one at a time and seemed to be the choice of a married couple.)

I will say that I am, by definition, selfish as it turns out that Ms. Suleman receives government assistance. That most likely means my money. My desire to spend my money as I choose should, in my opinion, be placed above her need for it. I was not consulted on her decision to artificially create 8 more lives. She shouldn't be entitled to one penny of my money without my say so.

A wise man once commented that just because you can do something doesn't always mean you should. Being able to bear children does not make you a mother.

Recognizing that you should not be a mother doesn't make you selfish. It means you were able to recognize your limitations and that your talents lied elsewhere. It means you didn't bow to peer pressure or societal conventions. It means you did what was right for you, and ultimately those around you. Taking care of those you love, in whatever capacity, should never be considered selfish.

And if Ms. Suleman truly had the children out of love and for all the right reasons, then I will gladly take back my comment.