A Gift to Me

Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves. It isn't that I'm not well cared for by others but there are some gifts that you can only give yourself.

I tend to be one of those people who can't say no. (As that has made me sing the song "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't say No" from the musical "Oklahoma" it has been a long week.) And after I say yes, in true Southern fashion, I want to please. I want to make sure everyone is taken care of. I typically go above and beyond.

Problem is, I become the "go-to" person. And since I don't say no I end up doing more and more and more.

So, for my birthday this year I am giving myself a gift. The gift of permission to say no. And to say no without guilt. Most all of my current obligations will be over on June 30. I've already not re-upped for one of them and the other automatically goes to someone else for the next two years. There is still much to be done between now and then - I'm the discussion leader for the accouting and auditing update at the CPE day so the preparation for that half day will be substantial - but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now this has been hard for me. One of my first posts on Random Thoughts was "Letting the Bully Win" and it was based on my experiences with one of these organizations. One where about 6 or 7 other members have decided, like me, to not come back next year. And that does give me pause. Am I doing the one thing that I really don't want to - am I letting this one overbearing personality run me off? Will the bully win if I'm not there to present opposing views and give the other members things to think about?

I finally had to decide that after 4 years I have to come first. This organization survived decades without me and it will continue, without me.

So, what comes with the gift of permission to say no? What added bonus? The gift of time. Time to start working on my writing again. When we were looking at houses during the move 7 years ago my focus was always on which room would be my writing room. What would the view be? Where would I see my inspirations? And, aside from a few short stories, I haven't written much. Time to get back into the kitchen. We spent 15 months completely gutting and redoing our kitchen into a good, functional space to put my training to use. (Side note, for those that don't know it I was in the middle of working on a culinary arts degree when we moved and my husband and I literally redid the entire kitchen ourselves. Floor to ceiling, wall to wall and everything in between. That is why it took 15 months.) Time to read the hundreds of books in my library that are waiting their turn. Time to play on the Wii if I feel like it. Time to do what I want because I want.

Now, I'm not dropping out of everything, and I don't regret one minute that I've spent on my pursuits. This is a small town and "outsiders" have to work hard sometimes to find their way into things. But I've met some of the most wonderful people and made new friends. I've also seen groups that I'd like to be involved in

some day.

Think about what gifts you might need - gift of forgiveness for a past misdeed, gift of acceptance for yourself, the gift of patience. There's any number of gifts that you may need to give yourself. You see, unlike a new scarf or pair of shoes, no one else can give you these gifts. They can only come from within.

Which is why I think they are so much more valuable.