Moms Are Special

I've said before that the title of this post is one of my husband's favorite phrases. Moms are special. So, it is with his mother that I'd like to start this tribute to three of my favorite moms.

I thanked my mother-in-law once for giving me the greatest gift I'd ever received. Since she primarily shops for me at TJ Maxx, she was a little confused. Of course I meant my husband. She raised a wonderful man that I cannot imagine life without. But it is her life and how she raised her family that is impressive.

She was born very poor. Her father was killed in an accident when she was about 3 years old, with a twin brother and a sister that was maybe 5. Her mother moved back to live with her mom in a small house with an outhouse. My husband will tell you the outhouse was still operational while HE was growing up. Her community was very small and rural. It still had a one-room schoolhouse. At 16 she left to move to the Big City with her 8th grade education (that's as high as the school went) and basic skills to find a job to help support her family. And she did. She worked odd jobs and lived in a boarding house.

Then she married her first husband and had a child at 19. After a few years of moving around the country, working where ever there were jobs and family to support them, there were some problems and she did something almost unheard of in the late 50s and early 60s. She divorced him. Now she was a single mother with a small child and still only had an 8th grade education. But she worked hard and made a life for the two of them. Then she married my husband's father and had two children and was a stay-at-home mom. Until that didn't work out and they divorced.

It was back to working whatever jobs she could find. Pizza parlor, dry cleaners, whatever she could do. She also earned her GED. With a teenage son that probably could have used a lot more guidance and male influence. His dad left the family and was not a part of his life after that.

But what emerged from this was a man that respects women and has an incredible work ethic. He will do what he needs to do to support his family - emotionally or monetarily or however. He doesn't care. If that means doing the grocery shopping because I'm working 7 days a week - so be it. His schedule now is more flexible so he takes cares of the house while I work. At other times during our marriage I don't think he knew where the vacuum cleaner was stored, but he was working the 7 days a week to make a nice home for us.

So, while neither of us is perfect and the last 20 years have had some rough spots, my husband is a blessing to me and I see a lot in him of the woman who raised him. And I thank her.

The next special mom on my list is my sister. I can't imagine raising children in today's world. When my mom was growing up people didn't even lock their doors at night. My sister and I grew up with the whole don't take candy from strangers and don't tell someone on the phone that your parents aren't home. Bad things happened to kids, but not all the time. Now, she has to worry every time one of them turns on the computer what kind of cybernut is out there. The daily news is, unfortunately, full of stories about children that don't end well.

So I admire her. I admire her first and foremost for even having children in the first place. Not something I could do. But I am impressed and more than pleased with the children themselves. They are good kids. They are involved and fun to be around. They do well in school and they love their aunt. They are just special people that I can see doing wonderful things when they get older. They bring a joy to my life. My sister is fortunate that she also married a wonderful man and together they are doing an incredible job.

And I thank her.

Now, my mom. The best for last.

My mom is awesome. I've learned a lot from her over the years. Although I may not have always said it. We didn't have all the mother/daughter dramas while I was growing up, but we had a few. Didn't see eye to eye on a few things. Boys mostly. But that's another story.

My mom married my dad while she was still in college. I was a quick addition to the family and my dad got a job in another town so we moved. She hadn't finished her education but there were provisions back then for teachers who were in the process so she started working. But I watched her not only finish her degree but also go on to get her Master's degree, plus hours above. And she did this over the summers. It took her a long time. I can remember times where Daddy would take my sister and I out or try to keep us quiet so Mom could study. I remember being on campus in the summers and waiting outside the classroom a few times while Mom was working on her education. And I remember a great sense of pride when she graduated.

She never gave up. She had a goal and she worked and worked until she attained it. An admirable trait under any circumstances. One that I think I picked up.

But, more importantly, it is the way that Mom has lived her life. How she has faced what has been thrown at her that I admire most.

Mom's life started out fairly easily. My grandfather was a successful farmer in a small town and my mom's family was very well known and respected. The conventional wisdom was that she would also marry a farmer, stay in town, continue playing the organ for the Methodist Church, and raise her family there. Live a life like my grandmother lived.

Mom had other plans. The choices she made didn't really lead to the life that had been envisioned for her. I think it took a lot of gumption for a 17 or 18 year old to make those bold decisions to go a different path than the expected. But it was still a good life for a long time. We had a nice house (although it didn't seem so small when I was growing up as it does now), nice cars, family vacations every summer. Mom worked but had the summers and school holidays off to be with us. My sister and I worked some growing up, not because the family had to have the money but for our own spending money and the "extras" in life. It taught us valuable skills about being organized and managing money. Saving for the important stuff.

Mom went through a lot in the years before my dad died. We all did, but her especially. I watched her be strong. Tough in an impossible situation. Trying to make difficult decisions. Life wasn't turning out quite as planned once the kids were out of the house.

I watched her again be strong with her second husband. She had been given the opportunity to live a life that she'd wanted, and deserved, and then it all got snatched out from under her. My stepfather fell ill and life changed. She really put him and his needs first for that last year and half before his death. They traveled all over but that meant she had to do all the packing, carrying the suitcases, the planning, the driving. She did everything so that he could enjoy his remaining time. And he appreciated it, don't misunderstand. Then I watched her, very literally, bury a man she loved.

But I've seen what all she was has gone through. The emotions when no one was looking. The chinks in the armor.

I admire my mother. She has been handed a lot in life and she has handled it. She's stronger than I think she realizes and I wish she would give herself more credit. I watch her now, trying again to rearrange her life for unexpected circumstances, and I try to support and encourage. I wouldn't blame her if she never left the house but I'm always hoping she will. There's still a big world out there and now is the time to do new things or make some changes. To be secure in herself, and put herself first for a change. She's been a wife and mother. Now she just needs to be herself.

She's taught us lessons through her life. How she's lived it and who she is.

And for that, I can't thank her enough.

I am grateful and thankful for all three of these mothers. They've brought so much into my life. So, on this day set aside for mothers everywhere, I say Thank You, I Love You, and Happy Mother's Day!


(And that goes for all the mothers and stepmothers out there who have blessed my life - my grandmothers, aunts, cousins, friends. I hope you all have a most wonderful day!)


Moms are Special.